Best Wishes,

As an adult woman over 25 I don’t believe there should be any room in your life for frenemies. I’m calling for the death of all non-reciprocal friendships. It’s hard enough as an adult to juggle work, parenthood, romantic relationships, and your mental and physical health. Being on edge about a so called “friendship” manifests a certain level of anxiety and animosity that your body and brain doesn’t have space for.

One of my favorite therapists I follow on social media Nedra Tawwab said:

I have mixed feelings about this post. I agree that endings don’t always need an over exaggerated or toxic finale. However, I think it’s important to honor our feelings. It’s okay (and understandable) to be upset, sad, angry, triggered etc. when a friendship comes to an end; especially one that you envisioned being life long. Personally, having to walk away from two people I thought would be my children’s god parent(s), aunties, in my bridal party, and there for me during the big and small moments were some of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make. But when you constantly pour into people who do not reciprocate your time, effort, compassion and love resentment and tension naturally mount.

I do agree with Nedra’s point that your peace of mind is more important than giving someone a piece of your mind. I have put off closing a friendship for 1-2 years, making excuses for them, feeling sympathy for them, believing that history and loyalty is more important than how they continuously dismiss and dispose of me when “cooler” or more convenient “friends” come along. No friend of yours should make you feel like you’re not worthy of their friendship or time. Everyone gets busy - but if I can make time to reach out and attempt to make plans as a full time parent, with a full time job and a whole ass relationship - I believe others can as well. The quote “You make time for what you want” rings true. I don’t believe in playing tit for tat or keeping track of what you do for others and what they do not do for you in a material sense - if I did, the lists would be atrociously imbalanced. The true hurt comes from driving across town just to spend 30 minutes with them, taking every call when they are processing a break up, showing up for them when life’s tragedies strike, or bringing them resources when they have limited ones - even when you’re struggling. All to not hear from them for months, unless you reach out of course — with an understanding that they won’t respond for 5-10 business days (or not at all) because they’re too “busy” with their new friends.

It's not a jealousy thing, or a possessiveness thing it's a friendship thing.

I’ve had many heartbreaks from romantic partners but nothing hurts more than getting your heart broken by your best friend.

Best Wishes,

The Black Carrie Bradshaw